LETS GET CANDID! Behaving – Just Not Necessarily Well

Its not the 1950s anymore, right? And the concept of women (sometimes men) enjoying no strings attached , casual, mutually satisfying sex shouldn’t blow people’s minds, right? And yet here we are , going to have a full discussion as to why it still should.

It has been called a dumb misconception for women (and men) of this era to seek serious relationships. And a few people you meet time and again go as far as whispering in your ears , “Just because you are single doesn’t mean you can’t explore , have one night stands , have a Back up Boyfriend or girlfriend ( some go as far as telling you to pretend you are on the unpaid Bachelorette) , you are just a human and it won’t be bad at all if at some point you may crave human contact in form of another body atop you.”

NEWS FLASH ! It does matter. There are plenty of us women cheering our friends on to go fuck shit up with their lives under the casual dating theme. To quote one American news platform ,” There is plenty of reasons as to why people may not want to lock things down with the first person who shows signs of interest in them…” While this is utterly a rule that every human being needs to be very well aware of when entering into the dating / casual sex world , so many have taken it too literally and men specifically have used it as an excuse to stick their pipes down every hole they come across.

I personally have never been a fan of casual dating and still believe it is something that we as humans normalized too quickly. Women of our generation let men get away with so many things and stoop to extremely low standards because of the above mindset. And men ( who I will not defend here as they have been doing this since the dawn of time) know this and use it to their advantage. They will hide behind this concept and keep chatting minimal with their target, be hot every now and then and cold on other days just to keep the target aloof.

Yes everything does happen for a reason and sometimes it does not mean that if someone is not the one , they are not important. We meet all sorts of people while on the dating scene , some are there to remind us of what we deserve , some to introduce us to new life hacks and career courses , some are just there for there; for us to feel the presence of another human doing life with us and yet sometimes after , before or in-between , we are bound to meet the one.

I do not think casual relationships or flings can ever replace the true benefits of an intimate, long term loving relationship and we should stop romanticizing the fact that they can. And to borrow from the 1950s , it should be okay for us women to have our bars so high and not settle for meaningless casual sexual relationships with no strings attached. It is still okay for us to have a process we have set out for how men should approach us , treat us ,court us before getting to the cookie jar.  As one young man wrote to Seventeen magazine back in 1959: “Once he meets a girl—and becomes interested in her—a boy must indulge in a sly, artful practice called pursuit for a while before even getting accepted for the first date .”

Making it too easy for men means we are slowly getting to where they would have wanted us to be 100 centuries ago. We are falling easily into their traps and they are not even trying anymore. This is why so many of us end up in our beds , regretting , crying the “Premium tears” we weren’t supposed to and blaming ourselves for stooping too low and playing it casual.

A lot of my girlfriends will not approve of this because they believe in casual , they believe in suffocating and killing feelings for their casual partner as soon as any surface. But that should not also be okay , I believe they are this way because at the back of their minds they know the men they are with will never see them as worthy of the “Long term.” It is easier to act it out and play safe than carry a broken heart home and nurse it.

Again, that is utter bullshit. It isn’t okay to “not feel anything” , it isn’t okay that we have become this because of men getting worse by day, the whole concept of living for now and not worrying about tomorrow shouldn’t be okay. Because at the end of the day , when we are all 50,60 or 80 something, we won’t still be “living our lives” , we will need that one companion to lead us by, that one person that we can do life with and have all these memoirs with. It may not be a husband or lifetime lover , it may be a child or something , but I for one know it wont be a long list of men and women we casually dated or hooked up with because by then , those hook ups will have their own thing.

We’d like the memory of us to be a happy one, to leave an afterglow of smiles when life is done, to leave an echo whispering softly down the ways, of happy times and laughing times and bright and sunny days, of happy memories that we leave when life is done and to be honest leaving an afterglow of smiles when life is done will never be worth it if one of the smiles isn’t yours.

That said , its okay for women to try out the whole no strings attached , casual , mutually satisfying sexual relationships , it is okay for women to be the ones asking out guys on dates. There is a lot of self discovery along these paths for some. What is not okay is trying to normalize all this and pushing it down any ones’ throat that cares to listen. There are plenty of women cheering you on when you are doing this , go f**k s**t up is the norm.

But sometimes , these women just do not want it for themselves because after all is said and done , the 1950s kind of love ( with a few sprinkles of modern and less oppression towards women) is what every one is riding for.

All that has been written above may apply vice versa for men as well.

All my love,

Dee.